A couple of years ago I was an overweight and frumpy single parent with low self-esteem, and had no idea how to make the most of myself. Then I met a man online. We clicked, and spent the first weeks of our relationship corresponding by email. One day he told me his theory that in order to attract men, women should dress in sexy lingerie, wear high heels, have long hair and long painted nails. He also believed that doing these things would make a woman feel better about herself. This theory was based on both his personal preferences and conversations with female friends. I was somewhat confused by the premise as he was emotionally intelligent, yet this seemed to be at best an old-fashioned viewpoint, at worst chauvinistic. I wrote back completely dismissing the theory, declaring that I'd never wear a thong, long nails were totally impractical, I liked my hair short, and as for stilettos...get real!
However, as many of you know, when we enter a new relationship we often try out things to please our partner. So, when I received some presents including stiletto shoes, a push-up bra and a thong, I decided to give them a try. Surprisingly, I liked how they made me feel. The person in the mirror didn?t look silly or hideous. At that point something major occurred - my negative perceptions about myself began to change. I got more presents, enjoyed wearing them, then decided to take the plunge and buy myself something sexy. Up until then any self-bought underwear had been strictly functional and in either black or white. I bought a red satin basque. I still remember the first time I tried it on, how silky it felt against my skin, how well the shape suited my curves and how sexy and womanly it made me feel. I'd always thought that being womanly was somehow a bad thing, that it went against the feminist ideals of women being equal to men. That somehow it diminished us. However, I began to realise that in feeling more womanly, by altering my perceptions, I was gaining self-esteem and my inner confidence was growing. After a few months I had gained enough self-confidence to leave my old, hated job, and do something better.
Nowadays I have long hair and a lovely collection of sexy underwear, most of which I've bought for myself. I think I look better and happier. But the main difference is inside. I no longer feel inferior and invisible. I hold myself better. I can look people in the eyes when talking to them and express myself more clearly. Of course, all this isn't just down to the fact I wear nicer lingerie. Having someone in my life who is supportive and appreciative, yet challenges me to think through and express my inner thoughts, helps a lot. There are many days when I slob around in big knickers, jogpants and an old sweatshirt. My weight issues have still to be resolved.
I know that sexuality can and often is used in a negative way. But, ultimately, I've realised that in being womanly, I'm just being true to my sex. I feel empowered by the fact I'm a woman. I'm equal to anybody.
So ladies, when your guy gives you that little black item for Valentine's Day, don't dismiss the idea of wearing it. Give it a try. And revel in your womanliness. It's a powerful thing.
About the Author: The author lives in Scotland and works from home. Her primary job is a chatline operator, but she also runs a website for people looking for finance, http//:www.hotcreditcards.net
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