What every teenager would like to have is a credit card without limits, a new car, the newest look, and an iPod that can hold 50 million songs. Of course, we grown-ups have been around long enough to know that you don't always get what you want. There is a need however, that stirs in the heart of every young person. That need is a relationship with you the parent. It is true, they may not want it, but it still remains one their most important needs.
We've all heard about the generational gap thing, and too often have used that as an excuse to not bother trying to connect with today's teenager. Don't get me wrong there is a gap. A big one. They have their little world and we have ours. And so many times, we aren't welcome in theirs and they aren't welcome in ours. They listen to music we can't stand, and we listen to music they can't stand. They wear clothes we would never wear and we wear clothes they would never wear. They have a language with terms we don't understand and we say things that to them, seem so outdated. The differences go on and on and on and le'ts face it, it is so much easier to just not understand each other than it is to put forth an effort to try and understand.
I assure you, the effort is worth it. Your teenager is worth it! Connecting with your teen will take some work, but the rewards are priceless. It my require you to make some major adjustments to your routine. It may take some radical changes in the culture of your home. Don't be afraid to initiate the changes necessary to connect relationally with your teen.
Ok, so you're thinking what changes need to be made. Let me give you some helpful tips. Are you a family that seldom sits down for dinner together? If so, try to make it a point to eat one meal a day together. Use this as a time to talk. Sure it may be awkward if you haven't made this a practice in several years, but fight through the awkwardness. If you just can not make it happen every night, set aside at least one night a week where you eat together as a family. Set it in stone and make it happen. If you had a meeting set with someone very important you would do everything you could to keep that appointment. Treat your family no different.
Perhaps you are like the typical family that has a tv in every room and in the evening everyone retreats to his or her own room. Learn to utilize your family room together as a family. Pick a night or two and turn off the tv. Instead, spend an hour or so together as a family. Play games, go through a Bible study together, or just sit around and talk. I know what you're thinking. Play games? Bible study? Sitting around talking? Are you crazy?
What is so crazy, is that because of our great American culture, these suggestions seem so lame. Our culture, opposes the family in almost every way. It blows me away to see a family out at a restaurant and their teenager sitting there with his iPod listening to music while they eat. Video games, iPods, internet, and cell phones are tools that really cause us to isolate ourselves from other members of our family. Now, don't go overboard and take everything away from your teen. You just have to make a decision to fight against a culture that opposes the family. Don't allow this culture to dictate how your family is going to operate. As a parent, you set the agenda for the family. You decide how your household is going to run.
Plan some family outings. Do it once a week, once a month, once a quarter. It really doesn't matter how often, just make it happen. Go camping over the weekend. Go to a ball game. Go to the lake. The list is endless. Get input from everyone and be creative. If you live in the city, take a trip to the country. If you live in the country, take a trip to the city. It doesn't have to be expensive, just make it fun. Don't be in a hurry. The key is to connect relationally, nothing else. Don't set an agenda that's going to stress everyone out. Just have a good time as a family.
How about doing some volunteer work together as a family? There are countless numbers of opportunities to serve in and around your community. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, at the hospital, or at a senior citizens home. Or, how about as a family, adopting an elderly couple and helping them around the home with yard work, house cleaning etc. Again, the list is endless, and one of the most important things you can teach your young person is to live life outside of themselves.
If you have more than one child, make sure you as a parent spend some quality one-on-one time with each of them. Dad's take your daughter's on dates and treat them like a princess. I mean, treat them as though they are the most beautiful, most precious young lady on the planet. Give them an example of what they are to look for someday in the man they are going to marry. Help them to set that standard so high, that no loser will ever catch their eye. As for your sons, hang with them. Go fishing or hunting. Go play paintball together. Play video games with them. Do guy stuff together and talk about guy stuff.
Mom's plan a day to go shopping with your daughters or plan a day to bake together. Don't like to bake or shop? Then, find something that you enjoy doing together and do it. I'm not a mom, or a daughter so, to be honest, I don't have a clue. Maybe just go to lunch and have intimate conversation with one another. How about getting a manicure and pedicure? Whatever you do, make sure you connect with one another. And when it comes to connecting with your son, try to keep in mind that most teenage boys are at a stage where being a momma's boy is not a cool thing. As they get closer and closer to manhood, they become more and more independent. So, don't feel rejected when they seem to be pulling away. That being said, you can still connect with them and you need to. You may think this is absolutely crazy, but if your son is big into video games, instead of always hammering him to quit spending so much time playing, sit down for a few minutes and play with him. So what if you have no idea how to play, let him teach you. Trust me, it will blow him away.
Whatever you do, remember, connecting with your teenager is the primary goal. The sky is the limit. As a youth pastor for 15 years, I have consistently scheduled events for teens with the primary purpose of connecting with them relationally. Trust me, I have never had a huge budget, so planning events that are inexpensive while at the same time fun, simply takes a little effort and creativity. You may think that your young person will never desire to connect with you, and that may be true. However, in my experience with teens, I have discovered that I generally connect with those I determine to connect with. I believe the same is true about you. In all that you do, please keep in mind that the two biggest keys to connecting with teenagers is time and the ability to listen. So, make the time and work on your listening skills.
? 2006 Tim Stone All Rights Reserved Worldwide
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